


Hold You Together

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Gratsu [51]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Apologies, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Guilt, M/M, Post- Daphne Arc, Promises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 11:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19463140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: “I don’t know.” Now Natsu sounded a little more like himself, frustration slipping through and turning the words into a growl. “It’s like I’m still in the Dragonoid…like I’m still being torn apart, only this time there’s nothing to hold me together.”The Dragonoid was gone, Natsu was free... but the fallout was still there.





	Hold You Together

Gray growled under his breath as he stepped inside the Guildhall, scanning for the familiar head of pink hair, only to come up empty. It wasn’t surprising after the last few days, but it was worrying because Natsu never avoided the guild. While there were times that Gray would need to take himself off, and recharge in private, the Dragon-slayer soaked up the company, so for Natsu to have cut himself off so completely was as far from normal as you could get. And worse, Gray knew that it was his fault. Or at least he assumed it was, as it had only been since the incident with Daphne that the Dragon-slayer had distanced himself, but what he couldn’t understand was why Natsu was avoiding everyone and not just him. He had been the instigator of the whole mess, even if his intentions had been pure at heart, and yet he didn’t need to see Lucy’s head turn hopefully towards the door at his entrance to know that he wasn’t the only one that hadn’t seen Natsu. The answer was there in the slumped form of Happy on the table next to her, and with a curse, he turned and stalked back out of the guild.

Enough was enough.

He had screwed up, he knew that. He had placed too much trust in the fact that Natsu always managed to break through the worst possible situations. _No._ That wasn’t fair, because, in the end, Natsu had broken through. He’d just needed them to show how him how, which was how it had always been. The Dragon-slayer had always drawn his strength from them, only this time… this time Gray had given him room to doubt that. To doubt him. Natsu had trusted him, hell, even before they had become teammates and been at each other’s throats most of the time, Natsu had still trusted him.

_And I broke that._

Maybe he wasn’t the right person to be going after Natsu now. He certainly wouldn’t blame Natsu if he didn’t want to talk to him, or more likely for the Dragon-slayer if he wanted to punch him in the face, but maybe that was what was needed. That was how they fixed things – much to Erza’s disgust, and he could still remember how furious she had been the time he had let Natsu punch him after he’d made a sharp comment on the seventh of July, forgetting what day it was and unintentionally hurting the Fire Mage. The fight that had followed had been one-sided and spectacular, and it had cleared the air between them. He just hoped that it would be as straightforward this time, but somehow, he doubted it, because this wasn’t just a case of hurt feelings. He had tricked Natsu. Betrayed him. And it didn’t matter why he had done it, or that it had ended on a good note because it didn’t change what he’d done.

Of course, for any of that to become a concern, he had to track down the Dragon-slayer first, which could be difficult. Considering that Happy was at the guild with the others, he doubted that Natsu was going to be holed up at home because he would never keep the Exceed out of his own home, and he wasn’t at the guild. The river maybe, after all, that had been where they’d always gone something had been bothering them, and with no better idea he set off in that direction, trying to work out what the hell he was going to say as he walked, because he doubted that a simple ‘I’m sorry’ was going to work this time.

Unfortunately, words and conversations had never been the backbone of their friendship, and he was no closer to knowing what to say when he crested the top of the riverbank, and he was out of time. Because there, huddled at the bottom of the bank was Natsu, and for a moment he was frozen in place, because Natsu… Natsu looked smaller than usual, arms wrapped around his legs, drawing them in close and his head buried against his knees. _Natsu._ It had been a long time since he had seen the Dragon-slayer actively trying to make himself seem smaller, and whereas when he’d been younger, it had always made him uneasy, actively seeking to provoke Natsu to bring him out of his funk, now it hurt to see. An ache that he didn’t fully understand, and that he wasn’t about to poke at right now. However, it did mean that the vague thoughts he’d still been clinging to about maybe leaving it to someone else to get through to the idiot were out of the question. He had done this, which meant that he had to fix it.

He knew that Natsu had to be aware of his presence because it had been a long time since he’d managed to get a drop on him, but as he carefully made his way down the bank, there was no sign that Natsu knew he was there. It didn’t bode well, and the urge to flee increased with each step he took, but he suppressed it ruthlessly. He had faced Makarov after what he’d done. He’d faced the rest of the guild.

Now, it was time to face Natsu.

“Natsu…” He murmured, as he reached the Dragon-slayer, searching for some kind of reaction, but beyond the slightest hitch of his shoulders, Natsu didn’t stir. It scared him because Natsu never hid and never backed away. It made something stir in his chest, and he knew that if he opened his mouth now, it wouldn’t be an apology that came out, it would be insults and provocations, and then everything would spiral out of control more than it already had. And so, he bit his tongue and moved closer, keeping a wary on Natsu as he settled down on the grass beside him, not quite close enough to touch, but near enough that he knew that Natsu would feel the chill of his magic. He’d half expected to take a flaming fist to the cheek for daring to come so close, but there was still no reaction, and praying that he wasn’t going to regret this, he turned his attention to the river below them.

It had been a while since either of them had been here, and even longer since they’d done this, he realised. Between jobs, and the forming of their team and the chaos that seemed to follow their guild no matter where they went, they just hadn’t had the chance. Maybe that was why this had hit home so strongly. It had just been the straw that broke the camel’s back. That was probably true, but Gray wouldn’t let himself grasp at it, refusing to give himself an out on this one.

“I’m…”

“...Sorry.”

Natsu finished for him, in a voice that wasn’t his own, too quiet and almost meek. And it took Gray a moment to realise that he hadn’t been finishing his sentence, but rather that he had been saying his own apology, and something cold, and heavy slid into the pit of his stomach. “What are you apologising for?” Natsu shook his head, still refusing to look up or move from his huddled position and Gray worried at his bottom lip for a moment, wondering if he had completely misread the situation because there was more to this than he could understand. “I’m the one that should be apologising,” he settled for saying eventually, taking a deep breath. “I was just trying to fix things, but I went about it the wrong way, and…” He trailed off, because Natsu was shaking his head again, and now, finally the Dragon-slayer began to uncurl himself, lifting his head to peer at Gray with one red-rimmed eye. “…Natsu?”

“I don’t blame you.” The words were so quiet that they were almost lost in the sound of the water flowing beneath them, but Gray caught them all the same.

“Then…” _Why are you out here? Why are you avoiding all of us?_

There was a pause, and he thought that Natsu wasn’t going to answer, or maybe the Dragon-slayer didn’t even have an answer, but just as he was giving up on getting one and beginning to try and work out how to get Natsu back to the guild, the Fire Mage spoke again. “I…don’t feel like I’m here.” He sounded uncertain, and there was a tremble to his hand as he sat up enough to rest it on his chest.

“What do you mean?” Gray frowned, not likely the sound of that. Yet, he knew that Wendy and Porlyusica had checked the Dragon-slayer over in the wake of the incident, making sure that there had been no lasting damage, and apart from needing to rest to recover his magical strength, he had been given the all-clear. Had they missed something?

“I don’t know.” Now Natsu sounded a little more like himself, frustration slipping through and turning the words into a growl. “It’s like I’m still in the Dragonoid…like I’m still being torn apart, only this time there’s nothing to hold me together.”

“Natsu…” Gray faltered, realising that he didn’t know what to say. _What have I done? What did we miss?_ His mind was racing, panic beginning to cloud his thoughts, because there had been a strange note in the frustrated growl, and as he stared at Natsu, seeing the slumped shoulders and the red eyes, he realised that it had been defeat. Natsu sounded defeated, just as he had back in the Dragonoid when he’d realised that he couldn’t break out alone, and the parallel was too much for Gray, especially as he saw Natsu’s trembling fingers beginning to bite in.

He didn’t remember moving, closing the gap between them before either of them had worked out what he was doing. He caught a fleeting glimpse of Natsu tensing, no doubt trying to brace himself for a punch which was their usual way of fixing things, and maybe that would still come later, but not now. Not now when Natsu looked worryingly broken. Not when Gray was the reason they were sat here, even if Natsu so far had refused to hear his apology, and not when he was the only person there to hold the Dragon-slayer together. It was a little awkward, both too brittle, too close to the edge for this, and Gray knew that his grip was a little too tight as he pulled the Dragon-slayer into a hug because hearing Natsu so defeated had scared him, and for a moment neither of them dared to breathe.

Then Natsu was slumping, as though that was all that he had been waiting for, collapsing into the hug. He didn’t return it, not yet at least, but the way that he let Gray take his wait spoke volumes and the Ice Mage took a shaky breath, before readjusting his grip a little, and moving his hand to pull at the one that Natsu had on his chest, pulling it away before he could do any damage. “You’re still Natsu,” he murmured, not sure where the words were bubbling up from, but knowing that it was the truth. Natsu was still too warm against his skin, a fire that couldn’t be held at bay. Just as it had still been true when they had nearly lost him to the Dragonoid, shining through in his desire to fight Erza, and his grip tightened at the reminder. “None of this changes that. And I know that it might not feel like that right now,” he added, feeling Natsu stirring, no doubt to protest. “But it’s true. Why else would Lucy and Happy look so down without you there to cause havoc? Why else would I be here in our place?”

“But…”

“You don’t have to believe that right now, just as you don’t have to hear my apology if you’re not ready.” He would repeat it when Natsu was ready to hear, having a feeling that the words would come more easily now, but now wasn’t the time. Instead, he pulled Natsu closer, trying not to focus on how it made his heart beat a little faster. “And if you need something to hold you together until then, then I’m right here.”


End file.
